So you have decided to undergo IVF? Already at the stage of treatment it would be advisable to think and talk about what this will mean for your future family. Start with a few basic questions – is the fact that the baby will be born as a result of applying the techniques of assisted reproduction, of any concern for you? What feelings are associated with this awareness? Do you have any doubts or concerns? If yes, of what kind?
You should decide whether you want to inform your family about the circumstances of your baby’s birth, to tell your baby about its biological history. You should know that for the little one the knowledge of how she or he appeared in this world can fulfil the important protective function.
Aurelia Kurczyńska
psychologist,
INVICTA Fertility Clinics
It is never too early and never too late to talk. It’s good to know that concerns about telling the child the truth are absolutely normal, adequate to the circumstances in which you are going to find yourselves as his or her parents. Very often in this context there are questions why telling the children about the details, as it’s better if the parents keep them to themselves – after all, the child wouldn’t understand anyway. Facing the truth often seems hard, but this problem usually concerns the parents, not the children. Kids consider the world they explore a completely natural, normal, domesticated place. While choosing the appropriate moment for the discussion, remember, that children are the incredible recipients of emotions, much more sensitive to feelings than to what we are telling them. Therefore first you should sort it all out in yourselves …
Well then – if you decided to tell your baby how it arrived to the world, the next step is selecting the proper words. Professional terminology probably isn’t going to work with the kid. Instead you can use a story, a fairy tale or comparisons to daily situations. Professional terminology would only be confusing, and the child may simply get scared if she doesn’t understand difficult terms. Naturally, you can use various expressions depending on the child’s age. You will use other words when the baby is one year old, and others, at the age of 3, and different ones when he or she is already six – or eight years old. So, in the beginning you will refer to wording appropriate to the toddler’s vocabulary: “little egg and little seed”; later on you can already introduce terms associated with the treatment methods. If you are concerned or anxious about the talk of this type, you can refer to the psychologist dealing with infertility problems for support. The specialist will help you to prepare to such situation, in order to make your story most beneficial both for you and your child. You can also use literature, TV programs, therapeutic stories for children (when they are still young), or use every opportunity to familiarise the child with the truth. Although it doesn’t seem so, good moments happen very often.
Remember that both children conceived naturally, and those born with the assisted reproduction technology, expect from their parents the assurance of love and authentic, close contact. This is the most important!
